Identity

A friend of mine thoughtfully shared a recent article from The New York Times called The Scientific Quest to Prove Bisexuality Exists (written by Benoit Denizet-Lewis).  It is a very long article with no hard science in it, despite the title.  It was still incredibly enlightening.  I highly recommend that everyone give it a read.

For those of you who are unaware, I am bisexual.  It isn't really something I talk about.  Like many bisexuals I have never formally come out (I guess this is pretty close, though).  My mom knows, most of my friends know.  I am selective who I discuss it with because many people are not open to the idea.  I have never really felt the need to give myself the label but it is truly what I am.

(Not really sure what bisexuality means?  Here is a pretty good definition:
“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted — romantically and/or sexually — to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way and not necessarily to the same degree.”)
 
I have lived a heterosexual life.  With the exception of a short period in my late teens I have been only with men.  That fact doesn't mean I am now less attracted to women or inherently more likely to spend my life with men.  I am attracted to both, for very different reasons.  

"According to the 2013 Pew Research Survey of L.G.B.T.-identified Americans, bisexuals are less likely than gays and lesbians “to view their sexual orientation as important to their overall identity.” That feeds into a belief among some gays and lesbians that bisexuals are essentially fence-sitters who can pass for straight for decades at a time and aren’t especially invested in the L.G.B.T. community."
 
I can attest first hand to that being true.  As human beings we all identify ourselves in different ways.  I'm a woman.  I'm an intellectual.  I'm a hippie.  Those are what seem most important to me.  I'm a bisexual doesn't even make the top 5.  For others, sexual orientation might come first, or second. It might be the major defining factor of your life. 

 I have not been immersed in the LGBT movement and I was ignorant to the under-representation of bisexuals.  This article really opened my eyes to the need for me to embrace my sexual identity and advocate so others can, too.
 
I feel lucky to have the pool of potential suitors be larger.  Loving people regardless of their gender really does feel like a gift.

I will leave you with this last excerpt from the article which resonated the most for me:

 “I really wish everyone could experience how extraordinary it is to be able to fall in love with people regardless of their gender,” he said. “I once told a straight friend who couldn’t really understand my bisexuality: ‘Hey, just because you’re incapable of finding the beauty in both genders, don’t hold your deficiencies against me. You have a handicap, I don’t.’ But, somehow, I’m seen as the strange one, the one who doesn’t fit into our obsession with everything being black or white, straight or gay.”

Want more info about bisexuality?  Check out the American Institute of Bisexuality website here.