Week 3 9/4-9/10

And
      then
            there
                   was
                        week 
                               3:




9/6
The smell of hay baking in the hot Florida sun competing with the smell of wet earth from an earlier rain. The sounds of children playing and the snap fizz sound of a beer tab popping.  There are some people I know but more that I don't.  In situations like these I focus on my surroundings.  The cicadas buzzing in the trees, the chickens wandering around the yard.  I can see the horses out in the distance and the dogs lounging in their pen.

I walk inside to a blast of cold air.  The house is beautiful but its packed full of people I don't know.  I don't have much to say to strangers.  Small talk isn't my thing and I find myself focusing on the little humans that are too young to require it.  I've never been one for children but I gravitate towards their simple way of viewing the world.  They are so easily entertained by small things. They don't ask you about your job or request details about your personal life you don't really want to share.  And when I sit on the floor with them the world becomes a sea of legs instead of an overwhelming sea of faces.  It's easier to breathe down here.


9/7
I can feel you looking at me without looking up.  Those ice blue eyes are like lasers that brand my skin.  The marks they leave are invisible to the naked eye but they claim ownership all the same.


9/8
My favorite line is, "I've never loved anybody the way that I love you."  Of course you haven't.  I'm different than anyone else you've ever dated.  Every single time you fall in love it's different.  The circumstances are different, the characters are different.  I don't understand why we have to have some point of reference.  Why we have to compare one love to another instead of just accepting it at face value.  Why can't we just accept what we are feeling in the moment for what it is instead of having to think things to death?  It is as simple or as complicated as we make it.  Let's make it simple, shall we?


9/9
I am haunted by my past.  Not so much the circumstances as much as the people.  And not in a physical sense but emotionally.  I can feel every single person that's ever mattered to me.  They follow me around like ethereal beings forcing their way into my conscious mind without warning.  It is as though once I've let you into my heart I cannot exorcise you no matter how desperately I try.  It's a constant battle to be present in the current moment because I am plagued by the ghosts of my past.  I cannot let them go.  I cannot let go.