Time

Time is touted as being cure for what ails you.  Whether it be grief, heartbreak  or stress, time is suppose to heal you.  

What an utter load of BULLSHIT.  


Here is the thing about time... it's completely arbitrary.  I will give you that the cycle of the sun is a good indicator of a day passing, but the number of minutes in an hour, the number of days in a month, the number of months in a year--they are all arbitrary.  You cannot leave something unresolved over a period of weeks, months, or years and expect it to magically get better.  Time does not wield a magic wand that will help you feel better or resolve your issues.  

You know what does help?  A change in a little something called perspective.

Let's say you broke up with someone years ago but you never really took the time to resolve your feelings about it because you jumped into a relationship with someone else (totally my MO, by the way).  If you put your head in the sand and just let that magical thing called time do it's thing, you will still feel broadsided by any unexpected contact you receive from that person.  Your feelings don't change just because the sun has cycled through a thousand times. 

I have tried that technique and found it faulty time and time again (pun intended).  What has worked, and has taken me 30 arbitrary years to figure out, is that my perspective is what needs to be tweaked in order for positive change to occur.  

That guy I thought the world revolved around?  He is just another wayward soul with a fucked up view of right and wrong and a penchant for manipulating others.  That person I thought I could use as a sounding board and get wise advice from?  Again, a fellow emotional cripple with his own set of failings that he lets control his life.  I'm not saying that I'm any better than either of them, because I assure you that I suffer from the same ills they do.  What has changed my perspective is my newfound ability to see them for what they actually are, instead of what I wanted them to be.  

Reality over glorification.  

And for someone who calls them self a realist, this was a shockingly hard conclusion to come to.  I had no idea that my view of these people could be skewed in their favor or that I could be allowing them undue control over my emotions.

Let us not forget about stress.  This may seem obvious to you but for me it was a serious lightbulb moment:  I will feel no less stressed out tomorrow or the next day or the next if I don't do something to change my perspective.  

Often times my stresses are caused by things that are out of my control (ironically not being in control is one of my main stressors, go figure).  Instead of waiting it out and hoping for that "time miracle" all I need to do is figure out what the problem stems from and change the way I look at it.  Take my ridiculous work schedule and the two upper level science courses with labs that I'm taking this semester as an example. I feel like there is not enough time to get everything done.  I have fixated on the impossibility of making more hours in the day instead of changing my perspective to something more productive.  I do actually have control over more of my time then my stressed out brain could originally process.  I don't have to take every weekend call shift I am scheduled if I don't want to.  I am lucky enough to have hungry coworkers who are more than happy to take the extra money.  I also don't have to make time to see people in my life if I don't have it to spare.  The important people will be supportive of my quest for further education and will be around when I'm done torturing myself.

So, long story short:
Time is overemphasized as being a healer, but the real workhorse for improvement of what ails you is 100% within your control.  It's called perspective.  Use it.

You're Welcome!