Eat your heart out, Hallmark!
This is for the woman:
Who loved me since conception.
Who laughed when I shit on her right after I was born.
Who laughed when I told her Danny stepped in dog shit when I was a toddler.
Who laughed when I accidentally broke my brother's nose.
This is for the woman:
Who taught me that normal is just a setting on the dryer.
Who taught me that intelligence is key.
Who taught me that being yourself is the best gift you can give the world.
Who taught me that determination and hard work pay off.
Who taught me that a spitfire pen is a powerful weapon.
Who taught me that there is an opportunity to learn in every traumatic event.
Who taught me to embrace my demented sense of humor.
Who taught me nature is restorative.
Who taught me you are never too old to reinvent yourself.
This is for the woman:
Who let me off the hook, as a kid, if I could adequately plead my case.
Who rolled her eyes and finally gave up the fight to censor my cursing.
Who raised me to be boldly honest and headstrong.
Who gifted me with broad enough shoulders to carry the weight of the world.
Who always told me I was beautiful but made sure I knew it wasn't even on the list of top ten most important things about me.
This is for the woman:
Who has the absolute most terrifying stink eye ever.
Who is the fiercest mama lion out there.
Who fights for everything she believes in.
Who makes mistakes and owns them.
Who isn't perfect but who tries her damnedest to be the best person she can be everyday.
Who never takes life or anything that happens in it too seriously.
This for the woman:
Who is obsessed with the muppets and animated kids movies.
Who can put a dry brown stick in a pot of dirt and grow a fucking forest from it.
Who has given me the definition and proper spelling of any word I've ever asked about.
Who remembers everything she's ever read.
Who walks like a lumberjack but can curse like a sailor.
Who has the patience of a saint but the temper of a badger when provoked.
Who is not someone you cross twice and live to talk about it.
I am so proud to call you my mother. You are truly the best Mom on the planet. And while I occasionally joke that I wish I had fallen out of a wealthier persons vagina, I know that I got the better end of the deal with you. You helped shape me into the person I am today and for that I owe you the world. Other people can borrow your motherly services but I always know you're mine.
Thank you for being a badass!
I can only wish to be half the woman you are when I never grow up!
You are beautiful and I love you, Mom-o!
Happy Mother's day!
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