8/28-9/3

Week 2 coming at you!



8/30
Today I threw my middle finger up at convention. It is too much work to try to fit in and who wants to be normal anyway? I am going to march to the beat of my own drummer because it sets my heart on fire. Fuck those people who want to put me in a box. They are so busy trying to figure me out that they are missing out on who I actual am. Be you and I will be me and we will be happy, you'll see. It doesn't take much to shine bright. We are all born with the capacity to be 100% ourselves. It is our exposure to life and societal pressures that erodes that inherent being. Brush the cobwebs off yourself and remember that child within who saw so much good in the world and found awe in the simple things. Hold onto that inner child as often as you can. It is in those moments that you will be happiest and most alive. Live simply and love fully. There is no place for complication and fear in a happy life. Let go of your need to control everything and be free. You'll be surprised at how things end up working out even better than it would have if you pulled all the strings. 


8/31
You like me because I am the only person in your life that you can't read like a book.  Just when you think you've got me pegged, I will throw you for a loop.  You think you know me, until I slap you in the face with all the ways you don't.  I am a rarity.  I am confusing and complicated and most days even I don't understand myself.  I can't conform and I refuse to change.


9/1
I will not let you mind fuck me.  Go ahead and try that reverse psychology.  You might as well piss into the wind.  Want to make comments for shock value?  I'm not going to give you the reaction you're hoping for, just in spite.  Don't be surprised when I call you on your bullshit.  I don't tolerate it worth a damn.  Your attempts at manipulation are an insult to my intelligence.  You might want to save that shit for someone who wasn't raised by a sociopath.  He was the master at that game and your feeble attempts are child's play in comparison.

You're the first person to point the finger at other manipulators.  You know there is a name for that, right?  It's called projection.  Time to do some soul searching, buddy.  Do you really want to be that guy?  Playing puppet master to the weak minded gets awfully dull after a while.  I suggest you find a new way to pass the time.


9/2
Today, I found out I have cervical cancer.

Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

I am 31 years old and I have squamous cell carcinoma on my cervix.  I am physically healthier than I've ever been.  I eat well, and I try to take good care of my body.  Despite all that, I am saddled with a cancer diagnosis.  

I am here because of the choices I've made.  I didn't get the HPV vaccine in my early twenties when it was suggested to me.  I was married at the time and didn't think I would need it.  I am also not a huge proponent of unnecessary vaccinations.  I felt that contracting HPV was preventable enough that a vaccine shouldn't be necessary.  The truth is we all make dumb choices.  We don't always practice safe sex.  I didn't always protect myself the way that I should have.  I don't know from whom or when I contracted HPV.  All I know is that I am one of the 79 million American's who has it.  I don't have the warts.  All I have is the cancer.

The reality is I'm lucky.  I have been responsible enough to get my pap tests yearly and the cancer was caught early.  I will have a minor procedure done and I should be cancer-free afterwards.  Sure, I will have to see my gynecologist more often.  Of course, I will forever be wary of my preventative visits.  But eventually I am going to be fine and that is all that matters.